Novakid's survey on educational methods: rewards, punishments or dialogue?

A survey conducted by Novakid has examined the opinions of 5000 parents in different countries on the use of rewards and punishments when children don't listen. The results show that punishment is not that rarely used: 21% of Italian parents adopt this approach with their children, while the majority of parents (72%) prefer positive discipline and dialogue. The survey results are commented on by a child psychologist, Dorota Czarnecka.

According to a recent study on parental burnout, which confirms the observations of sociologists, parenting norms in Euro-American countries have become increasingly demanding in the last 50 years, leading to growing psychological pressure.

However, as indicated by the study conducted in early November 2023 by Novakid, which involved 5,000 parents of children aged 4 to 12 from 12 countries, European parents appear satisfied with their approach to discipline and aware of the educational tools they use.

Girls and boys often do not listen to their parents, and the Novakid survey investigated parents' behavior when faced with their children's non-listening. Over a third (37%) of parents who participated in the survey in Italy reported that their children never or often do not listen to them. Only a few parents (less than 5%) responded that they do not have this problem and that their children never fail to listen.

This data is not surprising: girls and boys need time to develop active listening and concentration skills. Parents can help children acquire these skills more quickly by adopting a simple and direct approach that is suitable for their cognitive abilities. An example? Instead of generic phrases like "Behave yourself," it is better to specify exactly what is expected of girls and boys. For example, we can say: "I need to make an important phone call and I need quiet. Please speak softly and don't run while I'm on the phone, and when I'm done, you can go back to your game."

"The fact that a child always listens to their parents is not necessarily positive. It is important to remember that the growing need for independence - which accompanies growth - brings acts of rebellion. Disagreeing with a parent, even if sometimes irrational, is a necessary element in the discovery of one's individuality. Sometimes, 'too obedient' children are precisely those whose attempts at rebellion have been stifled too severely," explains Dorota Czarnecka, a child psychologist who collaborates with the Novakid English learning platform.

Why don't girls and boys listen? The reasons indicated by parents are what is expected: their interest at that moment is focused on something else (45%) or not listening is a small act of rebellion (34%). Difficulty concentrating and tiredness are indicated by only 13% and 9% of parents, respectively. Some interesting differences emerge between the responses of parents in different countries: 25% of parents who responded to the survey in Romania believe that their children do not listen because they are tired, while in Turkey this percentage drops to 3%. And while in Saudi Arabia over half of the parents interviewed (52%) believe that their children do not listen because they are focused on something else, in Romania, only 30% of parents think so.

How do parents react when their children don't listen?

Punishments, rewards, discussions, or simply waiting and hoping things improve. Faced with children who don't listen, the vast majority of interviewed parents in Italy declare they react by talking to their children to explain their expectations and clarify consequences (46%) and implementing positive discipline strategies (26%). 21% of respondents declare instead to resort to forms of punishment, such as taking away their favourite toy (9%). A small minority of parents instead choose a passive attitude and simply wait for their children's behaviour to improve.

The responses show significant differences among parents from different countries: over 13% of parents interviewed in Saudi Arabia take away their children's favorite toy when they don't listen, compared to 2% in Turkey. French parents are the most punitive (15%), while Turks are the most "passive": 10% of those interviewed simply wait for things to improve. In Poland, 68% of parents talk to their children and explain the consequences, while in Saudi Arabia only 36% of parents choose to reason with their children.

"One might think that the way parents deal with their children's undesirable behaviors does not have a significant impact on their overall development, but this is not true. According to some research [2], the way a mother interprets her child's intentions and behavior, and how she reacts, also has an impact on the child's language skills. Unexpectedly, a 'rigid' parenting approach can lead to more problems, such as antisocial behaviors, impulsivity, or aggression, as well as poorer language competence. At the same time, when children have these problems, parents tend to become stricter, creating a vicious cycle. That is why, at Novakid, we strive to support parents in various aspects of education, not just those related to learning a foreign language," explained Max Azarov, CEO of Novakid.

Do rewards work?

Although parents today increasingly claim to be against punishments, the topic of rewards remains controversial. Some argue that rewards are effective in reinforcing desired behaviors, while others believe that parents should ensure that children act according to learned values, regardless of any form of gratification.

"As Alfie Kohn said, rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin. Certainly, rewards may seem like a natural way for parents to show love, but they should not be used to manipulate children or force them to behave in a certain way. A child who seeks love and acceptance will strive to receive praise or other forms of reward. However, the goal of education is to impart values to the child so that they autonomously choose certain desired behaviors, not because they have memorized behavioral patterns," says psychologist Dorota Czarnecka. "This does not mean, however, that we cannot genuinely praise a child who behaves well. Research suggests, however, that we achieve better results when we praise the attitude, not the child. So it is better to say, 'I see that you have put in a lot of effort' instead of saying 'You are so smart!'. Children who are praised for their effort in the early years of life are more likely to believe that they can tackle even difficult challenges at school," adds the Novakid expert.

According to the Novakid survey, only 15% of parents in Italy believe that rewards are very effective. For 64% of parents, rewards are helpful and only work in some cases. While 14% of parents believe that rewards are not an effective method and 7% state that they never use rewards as an educational tool. In Germany, 9% of parents state that they do not use any type of reward, compared to 3% in Poland. Meanwhile, 28% of parents in Saudi Arabia believe that rewards are very effective.

The findings of the Novakid study confirm other publications on the topic of parenting: parents are increasingly less likely to use punishments and rewards as educational tools, and instead choose dialogue and the development of a parent-child relationship based on respect and support.